Koolaid Cupcakes, Diaper Cakes and Bears, OH MY!

Yesterday was Saturday.  It was my designated baking day.  At 8 am, I got up, took a shower and cut my hair.  Just the bangs, this time.

I have a problem.  I'm an emotional hair-cutter.  When I feel bored, stymied or otherwise strongly emotional, I'll start thinking that I should cut my hair.  I get the idea in my head, and it sticks there, more effectively bouncing around than "Call me, Maybe"  Wow, I'd never seen the video.  Can he come mow my lawn, please?  Anyway, I've been feeling restless and insecure lately, and convinced a haircut was exactly what I needed in my life.

So, I went to cut my hair on my way into the shower, only I stopped, right before I actually sawed into my hair and decided I'd just try to trim the bangs for a while.  True to me fashion, I cute them too short and now am irritated with them.

But, the need to cut my hair is mostly gone.  (Except, I'd look so cute with just below my chin chunky layers...)

And after that, It was time to head out to church to start on the epic task of diaper cakes for unwed mothers.  Saying unwed mothers always makes me think of RENT.  "Remind her those unwed mothers in Harlem need her legal help, too!"

You're looking at her bangs, aren't you?  They're like... 80s miniskirt short

Anyway, our women's group meets once a month to do good things, and this month, our good thing is helping to facilitate a baby shower for 15 unwed mothers, whom I believe are all under the age of 24.  According to the charities website, they also offer support for the father's to help them face and deal with the responsibility of the babies.  Good stuff.

So, when we were originally talking about helping to throw a baby shower for these girls, a majority of whom are not being supported by their parents, I said "I'll make diaper cakes!" because, I like diaper cakes.  They're cute.  And I made a couple before, as gifts.  See:

This pink one was a gift for a coworker having a baby girl.  I'm still super impressed by how beautiful it turned out.  It's like... gorgeous, right?  Pin it or something.  I took the picture with a really nice camera, too, that caught the nuance of all the tulle.







This blue one was for my friend, Jessica's baby shower.  I didn't have a good camera, so all the adorable baby blue tulle doesn't show.  But it was super cute!

So, I was like "I'll make 25 diaper cakes!" because I was thinking I'm superwoman.


But somehow, during planning and translation, it ended up that the women's group itself would make the diaper cakes.  And the 25 also dropped to 15.

So, we asked our congregation to bring diapers for the cakes.  We ended up with 2000 diapers in size one and two.  And then, we had a "workship" activity (If you're interested in what "workship" means, tweet @mikecelebrating for an enthusiastic answer) where the entire congregation rolled the diapers in rubber bands (An integral part of the diaper caking process.)  Which, thank goodness.  If my ORIGINAL PLAN had gone through, where each woman in the group did thier own thing, I would have been rolling diapers for at least 4 days straight, and then assembling them, whilst speaking in profanities in 3 different languages.  (I usually only know the bad words in any language that's not English).

Thank GOD things did not go according to my plan.  Instead, a group of about 40-50 people rolled 2000 diapers in about 15 minutes.  And then, a group of 6-10 women gathered to do the crafty parts.

Without these women... this would never have happened:

On Display and Safe from harm above the cabinets in our ministry center

Seriously?  HOW CUTE ARE THESE CAKES?  The bears are the best.  Aunt Kat found them, and I want to snuggle them because they remind me of Joaquin Phoenix in Brother Bear.  And honestly, Joaquin Phoenix always inspires me to hug. 

Bear hug!

I'm lying here, waiting for a hug from Robyn

And so, that is what I did with my Saturday.  I ASSEMBLED with some other women (yes, avengers reference) to do something awesome.

So, today, I decided to bake all laid back style and what not... With Koolaid Cupcakes.

What are Koolaid Cupcakes?  I'm glad you asked.  Cupcakes with no redeeming nutritional value Whatsoever.  And AWESOMELY DELICIOUS.

First, you mix the cake mix.  I used a white cake mix.  I straight up didn't feel like being creative, I just wanted a little piece of damn cake, so don't judge my shortcakes, or tell me i'm not really an artist.  I never pretended to be one. 

After you do the cake mix, you add one half of a package of koolaid. Do not be tempted by blogs and websites that say the whole package.  They lie.

The other half of the package goes into the frosting.  This is classic white frosting.

BAKE!

FROST!  And then I topped with green and purple colored sugar.

The cake is a sweet cherry flavor with a hint of sour and the frosting is a tart cherry with just enough sweet not to be too gross.  It was freaking perfect.












And now, my friends, I bid you farewell.  For it is BEER SOIREE night.  And I have a lot of drinking to do.  (Follow us: www.facebook.com/SNBTS)

:o)
Robyn

50 shades of Garbage

On the ride to work the other day, the DJs on my alt rock radio station were discussing the most likely neighborhoods in Houston to have adulterous couples, as based on that Cheaty-cheater dating website that I won't link to.  In a matter of phone calls, the conversation dissolved into a caller who brought up that 50 shades of garbage bullshit, which I won't capitalize out of protest.

So, here's this woman, calling my alt rock station, where I go to hear that awesome kind of alternative pop music that's the aural equivalent of Hershey's kisses (Delicious with very little substance) to turn it into a whine session about how she's sexually frustrated and needs a red room of pain with nipple clips.  This is not the Garbage I turned in to hear.

And that's when my general dislike of the 50 shades books went from generally being annoyed at how pedantic childish writing gets on best seller lists to being generally concerned by my generation.  Because, let's face it, my generation has some things to answer for.


Like Twilight.  I blame you, people I grew up with.  Our refusal to become full-fledged adults has led to a weird prolonged adolescence that leads to women in their thirties choosing Team Edward or Team Jacob.  And now it's led to women my age experiencing a sexual awakening over a book that reads like a 16-year-olds porn fantasy fueled fan fiction.

Have I read it?  I tried.  I read about half.  After that, I had to stop before I sprained my eyes from rolling them so much.

Was I offended?  Nope.  You don't know me well, internet, but I will let you in on this, I am not easily offended by anything of a sexual nature.  And, I've read my share of Jackie Collins and, TBQH, Anne Rampling /A.N. Roquelaure (AKA Anne Rice).

But I cannot fully condone adults over the age of 21 reading these books and making them a freaking pop-cultural phenom.


First of all, if I noticed Grammar errors, then let me assure you, the book is horribly edited.  If I was annoyed/irritated or bored by the shabbily constructed sentences, they have to be downright horrid.  Also, can we please stop just saying girls are smart and well read and actually show a character who is smart, well read, spunky, strong or with a great personality?  This girl is another freaking Bella Swan, stumbling through life, unaware of what the world has to offer until a complete jackass starts to date her, tells her how to live, and what to do, and opens her up to the world of S&M and multiple orgasms.  Oh, and Ana has to bit her lip in indecision/coyness/anticipation on almost every page.  And If I had to read one more interplay where Christian was like "Let me spank/screw/restrain you." and she's all "no! no!  please!  don't!  stop!  nono!  please don't stop!" I was gonna vomit.

Look, I've seen women portrayed well in erotica, and this ain't it kids.

So here's my point, because I have one...

My generation of Kidults, who cling to some weird bastardization of a Peter Pan complex and continually see themselves as 20 something idiots who need a strong man to tell them how to live their lives makes me sad.

Also, i just found out that this book started out as TWILIGHT FAN FICTION online.  And now, my respect for it has tanked even more... (we were already in the Marianas trench in my esteem here, 50 shades of garbage)...

I just wish we would all grow up some.  It's a sad, sad, sad world when I feel more adult than my contemporaries, based on the garbage spewing forth in pop culture.  And an even sadder world when I feel grammatically superior to published authors.

That is all, people

Things I've done recently

Pinterest made me hungry.  (Follow Me?)

I was minding my own business trying to not leave the comfort of our lovely sitting room.  I was perusing Pinterest and I have so many foodie friends, that I just couldn't help but get a craving for some nummy treats.  Since I hadn't eaten yet today, i decided to follow the trend of mini-egg soufle type recipes on pinterest and make up my own.  It was super easy.  I didn't follow any recipe, I just went with it.

I found some stuff in the fridge and stirred it all together in a bowl, then put it in a muffin tin and baked in on 350 for about 25 minutes.

Here are the ingredients. 

6 Medium Free Range Cage Free Eggs
pico de gayo (prob a half cup)
a splash of milk (prob 1/4 cup)
1/2 a package of turkey bacon pieces (maybe 2/3 cup)
a good dose of cheese (prob a cup)
Penzey's Shallot Pepper (a good sprinkling... 2 tablespoons?)
Italian blend herbs (prob a tablespoon)

It went over well with the fam, everyone ate it.  And here are some pictures courtesy of my brother's spectacular camera and featuring the cake dish my mother bought so I could take pretty pictures for the blog:

tThings I would do differently:

• More Cheese.  Cheese is like the best invention ever.
• Shorter cooking time:  fluffy and a little moist is okay by me.
• Photograph before they cool and fall slightly.

All-in-all, I'm not displeased by my foray into the egg cupcake.  Now I'm going to tell you about the awesomeness that is the Strawberry shortcake cupcake.

The Strawberry Shortcake cupcake was born of a perfect blending of ideas from all the women who head up the Sunday Night Beer Tasting Soiree.

At first, I was trying to come up with a good memorial day dessert for our church picnic.  I was trying to figure out how best to do those shot glass desserts that are all the rage at casual dining spots.

Robyn: Don't you think I could just do it in cupcake form?  Like a strawberry shortcake cup cake, made with an egg white cake, and topped with strawberries and whipped cream?

Sister (part-time genius): Can't you shove a strawberry in it and then cook it?

Robyn: Sound delicious.

Mother (Full time genius): The strawberry will moosh and goo.  You should use a Strawberry jam or preserve.


So.... Here you go:


Make an egg white cake mix.  Put it in cupcake liners.

Spoon one spoon of all-fruit no additives preserves into the center.

Bake.

Top with a white butter cream (Crisco style not butter based) and shove a fresh delicious strawberry on top.

Watch parishioners enjoy.  There were reports of licking fingers and lips clean during eating.

Yeah.  No pictures exist :o(  but it happened.


And finally!!!!!

Graduation cupcakes....

I made cupcakes.  Topped with white icing and threw this bad boy on top:

 (http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Graduation-Caps)

I might be able to get my sister to upload the pictures.

On a side nite, Nestle After Eight mints are freaking delicious!

Anyway, HAPPY SATURDAY, CUPCAKES!


-Robyn

Crazy...

So, I set up this blog with the initial plan to never be too political, or too radical, or too outspoken.  So I blow it all on one post, and end up with 100 different hits on it.  That's some crazy stuff dude.  But I'm not letting my head get to big about it.  Only 3 of the people who read it made any kind of comment, so I'm assuming 97 people found it accidentally.  And that it's really just the same old same old... But comments are nice, just, by the way.

Today is a lovely Sunday, if you're sitting by a giant window looking outside, like I am, in the comfort of artificially cooled air.  Because it's hot outside.  Like Satan's ballsac hot.  (It's the lest warm of his extremities, so i'm not being too overly dramatic.)

This afternoon, I whipped up some tart cherry scones.  I'm sure they are delicious.  I haven't eaten one yet, but they smell fantastic.  I didn't make it from scratch, because it's hot.  And i'm enjoying the look of the wind in the trees.  Even if it's like nuclear blast wave hot (not for the faint of heart, btw), in temperature.  So I purchased sticky fingers brand.  And it smells perfect.

Also cooling?  a pink lemonade cake.  Which I will use to make cake bites.  In fact... it should have cooled sufficiently to begin.   I shall return, "'tis but the work of a moment."

Wow.  Well, first of all, the cherry scones are delicious smelling.  The cherries inside are good, but the scone is rather like... a flavorless biscuit.  I know, I know, it's a scone, but I figured the cherrishness would run through it.  I figured wrong.

I also figured wrong when it came to the cake bites.  Cake bites.  I read all about these in one of the books from the "hello, cupcakes" people.  They are little cut outs from jelly roll cakes, dipped in warmed over frosting.  If you warm store frosting just a little to a creamy dipping texture, it dries really pretty, they said.  They put these little cake bites on forks, so you can just eat a bite and move on.  I thought "I can do that, like petits fours."  So I got stuff to make it. 

Here is a picture of one of the "emotipops" from "cupcakes, cookies, and pies, oh my!"

https://twitter.com/#!/whatsnewcupcake/status/167667586287419392/photo/1

Here are the only four surviving cake bites I managed to walk away with:

First of all, dipping a piece of cake you've cut is effing hard.  Second of all, my super smart idea to use appetizer forks?  It was a super STUPID idea.  Also, yeah, it was just Epic Fail.  Here's the ones that didn't fall onto the floor or counter whilst dipping:

 I threw that shit into a pile and was like "Soup's on, Mother Fucker."

And I left it for family to eat it.





These are the scones, by the way.

in other news, I feel like I've sung the word "Forever" until it's lost all meaning.  That is all.

-robyn

Save on Gas

So a friend told me to post this.

To save up to a dollar a gallon on gas, you can spend up to 1000 dollars at Kroger in a month.

OR - buy gift cards.  I'm a Starbucks whore, seriously, i drink the tea all the time.  so, I buy Starbucks gift cards at Kroger.  For a 25 buck card, I get 50 points.  EXCEPT, until April 10, when i get 4x points.  so for that same gift card, I get 100 points.  And, since we have a Thursday dinner date with the fam... We buy 25 and 50 buck cards and get 100-200 points a time. 

And the discount is 10 cents for every 100 points.

On a normal day, you can get 2x points.

But, if you watch... they do 10x points.  And when you get that, grab that schtuff up. 

Buy gift cards for food, drinks, clothes (old navy, macy's jc pennys, target) home improvements (Loews, Home Depot) MOVIE TICKETS... Whatever you are planning on doing anyway, stop by Kroger on the way and purchase in advance.  You might as well use the system while you can. 

That is all. :o)

(I think Randall's has a similar system in Texas.)

Veggie Cake

I was at work less than an hour when a shoe flew at me.  A shoe.  "WHO THROWS A SHOE?"

I have already reached my days limits on tantrums.  And it's barely after 1.  Less than 4 hours to go today, thank Heavens.

I don't want to leave lunch and go back to work today.  It's a Monday.

But on to my happy place.  Here is a veggie cupcake recipe I probably got from epicurious.com or allrecipes.com a while back.  Zucchini Chocolate with Chocolate chips.  I'd frost with a light vanilla buttercream.  Or, for fun, maybe a zesty orange.


Ingredients
 1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons and 2 teaspoons instant hot chocolate mix
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup olive oil
1 cup and 3 tablespoons white sugar
1 EXTRA LARGE egg
1/3 cup sour milk
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-2/3 cups grated zucchini
 2/3 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 325 degrees 


cream together the butter, olive oil and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the sour milk and vanilla. Beat in the flour mixture, just until incorporated. Stir in the grated zucchini and chocolate chips. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake in the preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes, or until the top of the cupcakes springs back when lightly pressed. Cool in pans over a wire rack for at least 10 minutes before removing from baking cups.

Why I go to Church

Today my pastor issued a sermon challenge.  This isn't uncommon, in fact, it's a bit of his trademark thing.  Every pastor has a thing, you know.  We went to one church where the pastor's thing was pounding the bible emphatically and yet another where the pastor's thing was to sit in a bar-height chair and talk to the congregation like we were all at his backyard barbeque.  As things go, the sermon challenge is less affected than some other things I've seen.  And it's nice, to have someone say "take what
I've talked about today and go apply it."   Maybe I miss homework...

I digress.  Our sermon today was... about a lot of things.  But in it, the pastor addressed a blog that's going around.  Mostly, he answered the points on the blog, gauging and assessing our position as a congregation.  If you're interested, you can get the sermon here.  If, in fact, you are at all interested in what kind of church a person like me attends, it's not a bad information packet about Celebration.

Anyway... Wow... Point already,  at the end, he asked us to list our reasons why we come to Church.  And encouraged us to post them on the church facebook.  I was cool with the challenge.  I've been trying to write a blog post for ages (I have about 15 unposted drafts, I just am not digging my voice lately).  I figured, this will be easy.  I'll go type up 20 reasons and be like "Bam, said the lady!"

But it wasn't easy.  It wasn't even something I could do.

I spent a lot of time thinking about it.  Reflecting.  I'm getting good at containing my personal dialogue inside my head.  I don't even move my lips anymore.  I spent time in the store, picking up beer for tonight's soiree. I thought while driving.  I thought while making lunch for the fam.  I did a lot of thinking.  And while I could just go through and personally refute each of Ms. Evans bullet points with my own personal experience, and be done, it wouldn't really be true.  Because it is for none of those reasons I would say I go to church.

The truth is there are more reasons for me not to go to church than to go to church.

I'm in a rocky relationship with God right now.  It's not him.  It's me.  but sometimes, the last thing in the world I feel like doing is getting up early on a Sunday and trekking my ass 20 miles across town to go to church for less than an hour.  The ironic thing is, some Sundays, when I'm backing up vocals in the Worship group, and I'm gonna be there for 3 hours, I feel even less inclined to go.  I'm tired.  I'm really tired right now, and there isn't anything physically restorative about going to church.  I don't even always feel like I had any kind of spiritual place was reached.  Because, right now, I'm feeling a bit spiritually castrated. 

Church is the place I've been most hurt by others.  People don't do it on purpose.  But sometimes, someone says or does something and it's like a lance.  The truth is, I believe, we're more apt to be emotionally wounded by church people, than by others because, those people are supposed to be held to a higher standard, right?  A God Standard?  The thing is, they are just people.  They don't get up in the morning and be like, "Today, I shall make Robyn feel like the most insignificant thing on this planet."  It just happens.   And I'm not saying it's happened at my current church.  I'm not saying it hasn't, but I'm 36 years old... Wait, I don't actually know how old I am, give me a second to get the calculator.  I'm 35 years old, and I've been in a lot of churches.  It's happened.  I'd hazard a guess that every single person in my current church is carrying an emotional scar from a former church (And it may be one reason I'm in _this_ church).

Also, the church isn't God.  I could go there every single day, and still never feel like I was closer to God.  What I do in those 4 walls doesn't define my life as a Christ-follower or a Devotee of God.  Church isn't the only place that God can see me.  God sees me in the shower.  It's a horrific thought, but true.  God sees me in my most inconsequential moments.  He doesn't just see me, he sees right through me.  And I could have a relationship with God without the Church or the church.  It isn't actually a requirement.

Even more so, Church in America is getting a pretty bad rap, and I don't really want to be associated with some of those people.  It's like an exercise in how many ways can I be outraged by people's comments supporting bigotry, hatred and oppression.  Sometimes I'm ashamed to admit I go to church at all, for fear I be lumped in with people like Rick Santorum.

So, why do I bother to go?  Why do I get up some Sundays at 6 am, so I can be there at 8?  Why do I drag my fat ass out of bed, bitching and complaining constantly about being roused from the rare snatches of blissful rest afforded in my hectic and overly scheduled life, to go someplace I don't always want to be?

Is it the people?  Sometimes.  But the truth is, I don't know over half the congregation, and that's pretty weird, since we have like 100 people.  But it's not weird.  Might surprise people here to know, but I'm not a very social butterfly.  I'm a very social caterpillar.  Inside a cocoon of a few people I've gotten to know, I'm comfortable.  I'd even have to honestly admit that even though I work in two of the ministry groups and I signed the Charter of the Church, I'm not even always comfortable calling myself a member.  Because I do not honestly know the majority of the people there.  That's a me thing, too.  I'm just not that girl who is all about casual conversation with people.  I'm weird.  I get to know people differently.  My best friend exists about 95% on the internet.   It's not not the people (ooo, double negative, what will Mandi say?)  Don't get me wrong.  The people are really great, kind, sweet, accepting, funny, genuine (buzz word) , reasonable, caring people.  I just wouldn't say I know them.  At the same time, the family of my heart does attend this church, and is why I came to this church, but that's not the reason I was all for going to a church.

It's not the denomination.  The good Lord knows, I will never be comfortable calling myself a Lutheran.  Although, I like a lot of what they say, and I'm solidly protestant, I've been to too many churches and have a scattered and conglomerated personal dogma.  I'm a Luthermethobapticostal.  It's the new super denomination.  We have kolaches.

Is it the sermon?  I dunno.  The pastor is genuine (there's that word again)  about his message.  I never feel condemned.  It's always pretty solid.  But sometimes, I don't pay attention.  It's not him, it's me.  Adult ADD does that to a person.  Sometimes, I look up and wonder why the hell we have strobe lights on the ceiling.  And then shuttle think all over the place, and come back when he's giving a benediction.  I've missed the sermon entirely and I'm like "oops, my bad."  So it can't possibly be the reason I go...

Is it that I said I would do things?  I teach Sunday school.  I back up vocals on the music team.  I committed to these things.  Not really.  I could honestly walk away from either at any moment, on account of being non-integral and part of a redundancy system.  Those things aren't the reason I go.  I do those things because I do go.

So why?  WHY would I go to church on Sundays?  Why would I go at all?  And why especially would I travel 20 miles one way to go to a church?  Who is that crazy?

Maybe that's the answer, come to think of it.  Maybe I am a little crazy.

Especially in this day and age, with an outright shameful public face of Christianity in America.  Maybe I'm insane to want to go to church.  Because, let's face it, the PR the church is getting lately, with the judging and the persecuting and the general embarrassing statements and behavior, sure don't make me proud to stand up and say "I'm a Christian!" 

I don't think that's it.  I don't think my slight crazy is why I go.

And I also, getting to my overall point (I meander.  It's what I do.), don't think I need 15 reasons.  I don't need 10, I don't even need five. 

I have hope.  I don't have the best relationship with God right now.  But I have hope, that I'm gonna heal and I'm gonna be able to be who he wants me to be.  I don't have great relationships with , or awesome connection to everything.  I am not whole and unwounded.  but I have hope that all of these things aren't what really matter.

I have faith that I'm doing the best I can with what I have.  I have faith that God doesn't care if I'm getting it all right all of the time, because he does see through me.  I have faith that I am supposed to be God's hands, and when I remember to empty myself of me, my faith can shine.

I have love.  Even if I'm not the best Christian in the world right now, even though I'm mired in sin and selfishness, I love God.  And Jesus, and Love is about the most important thing you can have.

God sent his son who preached a Radical Gospel of LOVE.  Christ tore the temple asunder, and rebuilt one, based on the tenets of love, faith and hope.

And I go to church because I want God to reach out through me.  By working in me, a little at a time, even, by my ritual of showing up, I'm saying "use me, Lord, to staunch the flow of Rapid Hope Loss in my world.  Starting with me and moving out, like ocean waves."   Because I can't say anything in a simple manner, that's just not how I'm wired.

That's why I go.  Three tiny little reasons.  Probably insignificant when viewed alone, but epically proportioned to be the only 3 reasons I need.


I'm not going to post this to my church's facebook.  Because, that would just be silly.  They would be like "Who the hell does she think she is?  He said 15 reasons, not 15 pages of semi-stream-of-conscience bs"  Or, you know, maybe they would be like "Oh, yeah, you know, maybe those are the only reasons I need."


either way, I'm gonna post this, before I chicken-shit out and send it to drafts with all my recent political postings on being a woman in today's society.  Maybe if more people focused on Hope and Love, being a woman in America wouldn't feel so craptastic.  Maybe if more people focused on Love, it would be easier to be a human.




I'll leave you with a mild political statement... I got it from Mandi's facebook.

I may have stuttered around a bit, But I'm pretty sure Jesus was clear.  My hope for Rachel Held Evans is she finds a group of people who are a bit more like Jesus than those she's known in church.  My hope for churches is that we all remember to be more like Jesus and less like us.




-robyn












www.Hypersmash.com

A Conservation of Speech

DISCLAIMER:  This post is actually about life, and Lent, and personal decisions.  If you're just here for the easy stuff, come back on Sunday.