Just a check in.

I've been neglecting the blog.  Well, not really, I've been a little swamped by life.  On the upside, though, I have pretty awesome life news.

I got chicken pox when I was something like 9 months old.  I always figured I got the easy way out.  Not memories of itching and no scars.

Then, several years ago, the hibernating virus, decided to go guerrilla warfare on me, and I ended up with shingles.  I was, however, grateful for that diagnosis, because I was convinced I was dying of heart failure or breast cancer.

I got anti-viral meds and some steroid cream and pain pills, and was told, that's the end.  But it wasn't.  I ended up with a recurring kind of shingles.  I would have recurring break outs.  After a while, though, the rashes ended.  And all that was left was the pain.  I wish I could describe the pain for you, without being overly dramtic or descriptive as I am often accused of being, but it alternated between sometimes feeling like someone had set my arm on fire, to someone was repeatedly stabbing me, to me being convinced I was having a heart attack.  Sometimes, the pain radiated all the way down my left arm to my fingers.  There wasn't a morning I didn't wake up to some form of pain or a night I went to sleep without it.  Even when it wasn't piercing, it ached.  It hurt.  and aspiring, tylenol and ibuprofen only ever seemed to take an edge off.

I was becoming a monster because of my pain.  My temper was shortening, and it wasn't that tolerant to begin with.  Also, as a Kindergarten teacher, my days were becoming miserable.  The kids like hugs.  And hugging made me shudder in pain.  I was actually resigned to this being my life.  I was grateful for the days where it only hurt a little.  And I was thankful that my pain tolerance was reaching mush higher levels. 

I was afraid to talk about the pain, because I had seen enough TV to know that what I was talking about looked a lot like drug-seeking behavior.  I was sure that what I was feeling would be dismissed by health care professionals who would look at me like some kind of suburban junkie.

And it was with much trepidation that I sat in the Doctor's office the second week of January and, after dealing with a sinus infection, as if as an afterthought, brought up the pain.

In about 45 seconds, the nurse practitioner called it Post Herptic Nueralgia, and prescribed gabapentin.

Two mornings later, I woke up with no pain.  None.

And I even called the doctor's office to thank them for the solution to my problems.  My whole life has changed in just two weeks.

I'm not nearly as bitchy as I was, and I'm not putting my liver in danger with massive amounts of nsaids.

The side effects have been an overactive imagination and a tendency to babble more, especially online.  Also, I pinned some stuff but don't remember doing it.  They were funny things, though, so it's good to know that I am awesome even if I'm not fully aware of what I'm doing.


Anyway, I've spent the last two weeks actually enjoying life, not just pretending to enjoy life for the sake of a "Fake it till you make it" mentality.


Now, I've also been trying to finish some amigurimis I should have had finished two weeks ago, but kindergarteners are forgiving, and don't mind late birthday presents.  I'll post pictures soon.  I just didn't want this blog to be dead.  And I also figured I would document that 2012 already pretty much rocks compared to 2011, and 2010 for that matter.

Every once in a while, I get serious.

 Someone needs to hear this.  So I'll say it loudly, and publicly.

No matter where you are, or what you are doing, no matter how you feel or how often we talk, no matter what, YOU MATTER TO ME. You are important. Your life is important. And I'm here for you. Always.

There are so many people who battle a darkness or a doubt every single day.  And you might forget that you have allies.  The great fiction is that you are alone.

You are not alone.

I don't have the answers.  All I have to offer is my support, what strength I have, what comfort I am capable.  But it is yours.  All you have to do is take my hand.

Chelle On Wheels Scarf 1.0

Well.  That's it.  I picked the scarf.  Sadly, it's nighttime and the flash on the camera sorta washed out the colors, they are jewel tones in purples and blues and greens.

Here's my sister modeling it.

Hello, Saturday.

So, it's Saturday.  That means I need to be up to something creative, per my decision to make things in order to offset my sometimes insane desire to hit people.

It's kind of strong this week.  I had a student repeatedly ram into me for about a thirty minute period on Thursday, and my back is still a smidge sore from it.  Some people might be all riled up about "How could you put up with this?"  The answer is easy.  Either I take a stand for my self-respect and general health, or I get a much needed paycheck.  Welcome to the new millennium.

Today I have three projects on the table and I have no idea what's going to end up done.

PROJECT NUMBER ONE: Chelle-on-Wheels Scarf.

This knitted project is super simple, yet daunting.  I bought 4 random yarns in a similar color family to knit into a skinny-ish hipster scarf for an awesome friend of mine who wants it.  Her Roller Derby name will always be Chelle-On-Wheels in my head, so that's what I'm calling the scarf.  I ended up totally misjudging one of the yarns' bulk, because I was so wrapped up in the color matching, and I convinced myself the bulks weren't THAT different.  So the project has become slightly difficult because I'm having to find other yarns in my stash that are light in bulk and blend in color-wise to double strand.

The pattern is easy.  Cast on 12.  knit first row, purl second row, repeat indefinitely.  I change colors every 5-15 rows.  I want the chunking to be totally random.  I'm tossing around the idea of taking a crochet hook and slip stitching the eyelash yarn along the sides at the end to pull all the yarns together, but I really do like the way stockinette curls. 

PROJECT NUMBER TWO: Crochet Princess Dolls

I have two birthday girls in my class who need birthday gifts done.  But also, these dolls take me less than 3 hours, so I'll probably keep procrastinating till next weekend.

PROJECT NUMBER THREE: Cupcakes

"Healthy option" Cupcakes.  It's a cupcake, how healthy could people possibly want?  Well, considering how much refusal I'm getting, despite "Oh, I know you make a good cupcake," they need healthy.  Now, if they won't try it despite the "healthy option," I'm going to have to assume the truth is that no one actually likes my baked goods outside of my family.  In that case, I will simply continue to bake, then eat dozens on end, myself, because I'm an emotional eater, and since I can't get a relationship with a straight guy, or a job with insurance or bake worth a damn, I might as well eat myself into a coma and be done with it.  I'm thinking of doing a pumpkin based cake.  Here's the recipe I'll use if I bake, I pretty much made it up based on 1/4 cup pumpkin =1 egg theory:

• 2 cups white sugar
• 3 cups cake flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• one can pumpkin (about 2 cups)
• one cup 2% milk
• some spices to taste (The usual, nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, whatever i feel like dumping in)

 according to multiple websites designed for calculating nutrition, if I make 36 cuppys from this, they are about 90 calories each.  I'll go ahead and say that a 150 calorie cupcake is awesome, and, but they way, less calories than a regular sized candy bar, and I'll frost it with cream cheese.  low fat cream cheese.  like the one here.




We'll see what happens when I post the photo of today's accomplishments.  If I ever get past this sitting in my pyjamas looking out the window thing.

Peppermint Bark

Everything I made this holiday season went over pretty well.  The craziest thing is, the one item that got the biggest raves was my peppermint bark candy.

This kills me.  Peppermint bark is probably the most simple candy a person can make.  I may have mildly beefed it up, but here's the simple recipe:

Pkg Almond bark
Smashed candy canes.

Melt bark, stir in candy canes, spread it out over a wax paper till then, allow to set.  Break up into pieces.  Eat.


nothing in the world more simple.

Now, I like to dabble in spicing things up, so I added a teaspoon of pure peppermint oil.  You have to use FOOD GRADE only.  And then I sprinkled with red green and clear Sugar shimmers.  But, honestly, the thing that took me two minutes to make, got me all the big applause.  Just goes to show the old "Keep it Simple, Stupid" adage holds true.


If you don't want to go for or can't find almond bark (in the baking section) White candy melts work just as well.

Here's the batch I smashed up, without the Christmasy colors, I think it works for a wintery treat.

And a real resolution:  Start letting my sister the photographer take my pictures from now on.  Mine are a right mess.

Resolution Schmesolution

So it's that new year's time.  And I'd just like to point out that 2012 started off with my grandmother having a seizure, so I'm not in the most festive and happiest of new year moods.  But that aside (She's fine), everyone keeps talking about their resolutions.  I resolved a long time ago not to make resolutions.  Haha!  No, but seriously, I suck at keeping goals or resolutions alive.  I mean, I even tried one year to make a resolution all dramatically Scarlett O'Hara style, against a big backdrop, fists in the air, I would never do that again.

All of my resolutions last to about Epiphany.

I'm not resolved to anything, but I am making an effort to stop droping the F bomb at least 5 times an hour, minus the time I'm at school.  Miraculously, I manage not to use the f-word amonst my kindergarteners.  I chalk this up, not to will power (i have zilch) but to divine intervention.

Anyway, every single person I know who did resolve, made some stupid resolution about eating better.  Eating better.  Here's the deal, yo.  Do you have any idea how many prophecies and predictions there are about the world coming to an end in 2012?  I don't put much credence into the prophecies and predictions.  I do, however, know how the human machine works.

So it's not only possible that some crazy people hopped up on end-of-the-world panic might take people out in their frenzy, it's probable.  And while I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm going to die a virgin, I refuse to be that person who loses all this weight, is healthy (albiet miserable with the lack of choclate in her life) and then gets knifed in the back when some douche tries to hold up a gas station for the beer or the toilet paper.  I will not go to my grave thinking "I wish I'd had more dessert."

If I were to resolve to eat better, it would read like "I resolve to include more dairy and awesomeness to all my dishes."

The problem lies in all the people around me who want to eat better.  So I can't count on them to eat my ganache filled cupcakes.  SO... I'm expanding my culinary experimentation.

I'm going to attempt delicious cupcakes that are better for you.  That way, when people go "I can't, I'm watching what I eat" I can respond with "Oh, no this is a healthy option cupcake."

I know a lot of people have blogs stating they have "healthy" cupcakes.  There are even blogs dedicated to ::shudder:: vegan options.

I'm 100 percent behind gluten-free options, but I just can't ever make anything labeled "Vegan."  When volunteer to stop being the top of the food chain, we might as well roll over and let the lions munch down.

I digress.  I know there are a million blogs dedicated to healthy cupcaking, but they're mostly written by people who eat "healthy" food.  I'm not knocking that, I'm just saying, if someone who eats Vegan tells me something is delicious, I don't buy it.

There's a reason behind that.  I ate a vegan cookie once, after a coworker blindesided me with it, swearing it was delicious and so good for me, and the best thing she'd ever eaten.  The damn thing tasted like cat puke smells.  I ate a dog cookie once, on a dare, and in comparrison, it was phenomenal.  And it was intended for a dog.

So I'll create/search/bake these healthier option cupcakes.  And I'll taste test them.  And if a chubby foodie tells you it's tasty, you can believe it. 

That is all.

and aren't you glad you learned some of that stuff about me?  I know I am.

It's not a perfect photo.  I don't have the most fantastic of cameras right now.  But here it is, my lazy ass lemon cupcake.  That's the name.

Here we go:


1 yellow cake mix box.
3 eggs
1 1/3 cup oil
2 tablespoon lemon rind
2 tablespoons lemon extract
1 tablespoon Penzey's baking spice.

Mix.  Bake in cupcake liners for 15-22 minutes until solid looking and firm.  Not ill golden brown.

Take some creamy supreme strawberry frosting, stir in a splash of lemon extract.  smear on the finished cupcakes and sprinkle with yellow sugar sprinkles.  Serve on the table where the summer sausage and cheese cubes are being served and then down some beverage and eat one.

come on 2012.  it's time, right?

obligatory NYE title

well, it's finally happened,  2011 has finally decided to pack it's crap up and get the heck out of town.  I've been after it to leave since May, but it didn't listen.  It stuck around to make life hard to bear for about 6 more months before it finally gave up.  In so many ways, 2011 was like a terrible boyfriend, and I'm not ever going to say I'm glad to see it go.  It was one of those years where I have trouble looking back of the mountainous crappy moments to even see where there were good times.  And there were good times, but I have a slight tendancy to see the scars, instead of the obvious healing.  And as long as I ackowledge that, I'm good.

So, while I thought for a while about my sister's excellent suggestion of how to bid this year goodbye in a manner that would communicate my general displeasure with the happenings that it brought, I decided the best thing to do is just be happy it's finally over and things can only get better from here.  Seriously.

Also, I don't want to slight 2012.  I wouldn't want 2012 to have any reason to be mad at me.  So, I did procure the traditional summer sausage, cheese, crackers and some champange.  And I imagine that I will sit around with my delightful family chowing down and watching movies, though not on netflix, because the xBox is still broken.  I'm going to have to get up out of bed at some point today and rent a redbox movie.

Anyway, I was thinking about champange cupcakes.  I contemplated making them for tonight's hurrah.  But they seem so complicated.  Just getting the cork out of a bottle of champange pretty much takes me a while.  So I think, instead, I'm going to make my absolute favorite flavor combo, a lemon creme cupcake with strawberry icing.

I really enjoy how I like to telescope my culinary ambitions via a post before the photo post.

I'm going to be very clear here, I'm not making anything from scratch.  I'm going to use a box cake and a can of frosting.  However, I don't have lemon cake, so i'm going to doctor a box cake with lemon extract and lemon peel.

And I'd like for the record, to state, that food is only as good as the ingredients you use, and so I try to stick exclusively to Penzeys spices.  In fact, I won't even look at McCormick or any of those others.  I'm completely spoiled.  There is a vast difference in quality, freshness and flavor.  I cannot recommend them enough.

Also, they have spice blends that are fantastic and EXCELLENT recipe helpers.  I used the Sunny Parisian blend and two cups of red wine to make the most delicious chicken the other night.

Anyway, I would shill for them till I was blue in the face, but I really ought to get off my ever-expanding ass to go and bake, so I feel like I sent this crappy year off with a sweet reminder of what it missed out on by treating me so shabbily.

I will tell you this, friends and followers (all 5 of you), 2012 is gong to rock prodigiously


My sister just reminded me that the  recommendation for a New Year's Celebration (highlight with your mouse to read. Not for those easily offended) was more of a joint planning.  As in, she started with one part, I added some grossness to it, and then we both laughed so hard at the idea, we almost drove off the road.

( Write 2011 on a piece of toilet paper.  Use the marked  toilet paper to wipe your hiney , and then flush it down the toilet.)