Resolution Schmesolution

So it's that new year's time.  And I'd just like to point out that 2012 started off with my grandmother having a seizure, so I'm not in the most festive and happiest of new year moods.  But that aside (She's fine), everyone keeps talking about their resolutions.  I resolved a long time ago not to make resolutions.  Haha!  No, but seriously, I suck at keeping goals or resolutions alive.  I mean, I even tried one year to make a resolution all dramatically Scarlett O'Hara style, against a big backdrop, fists in the air, I would never do that again.

All of my resolutions last to about Epiphany.

I'm not resolved to anything, but I am making an effort to stop droping the F bomb at least 5 times an hour, minus the time I'm at school.  Miraculously, I manage not to use the f-word amonst my kindergarteners.  I chalk this up, not to will power (i have zilch) but to divine intervention.

Anyway, every single person I know who did resolve, made some stupid resolution about eating better.  Eating better.  Here's the deal, yo.  Do you have any idea how many prophecies and predictions there are about the world coming to an end in 2012?  I don't put much credence into the prophecies and predictions.  I do, however, know how the human machine works.

So it's not only possible that some crazy people hopped up on end-of-the-world panic might take people out in their frenzy, it's probable.  And while I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm going to die a virgin, I refuse to be that person who loses all this weight, is healthy (albiet miserable with the lack of choclate in her life) and then gets knifed in the back when some douche tries to hold up a gas station for the beer or the toilet paper.  I will not go to my grave thinking "I wish I'd had more dessert."

If I were to resolve to eat better, it would read like "I resolve to include more dairy and awesomeness to all my dishes."

The problem lies in all the people around me who want to eat better.  So I can't count on them to eat my ganache filled cupcakes.  SO... I'm expanding my culinary experimentation.

I'm going to attempt delicious cupcakes that are better for you.  That way, when people go "I can't, I'm watching what I eat" I can respond with "Oh, no this is a healthy option cupcake."

I know a lot of people have blogs stating they have "healthy" cupcakes.  There are even blogs dedicated to ::shudder:: vegan options.

I'm 100 percent behind gluten-free options, but I just can't ever make anything labeled "Vegan."  When volunteer to stop being the top of the food chain, we might as well roll over and let the lions munch down.

I digress.  I know there are a million blogs dedicated to healthy cupcaking, but they're mostly written by people who eat "healthy" food.  I'm not knocking that, I'm just saying, if someone who eats Vegan tells me something is delicious, I don't buy it.

There's a reason behind that.  I ate a vegan cookie once, after a coworker blindesided me with it, swearing it was delicious and so good for me, and the best thing she'd ever eaten.  The damn thing tasted like cat puke smells.  I ate a dog cookie once, on a dare, and in comparrison, it was phenomenal.  And it was intended for a dog.

So I'll create/search/bake these healthier option cupcakes.  And I'll taste test them.  And if a chubby foodie tells you it's tasty, you can believe it. 

That is all.

and aren't you glad you learned some of that stuff about me?  I know I am.

It's not a perfect photo.  I don't have the most fantastic of cameras right now.  But here it is, my lazy ass lemon cupcake.  That's the name.

Here we go:


1 yellow cake mix box.
3 eggs
1 1/3 cup oil
2 tablespoon lemon rind
2 tablespoons lemon extract
1 tablespoon Penzey's baking spice.

Mix.  Bake in cupcake liners for 15-22 minutes until solid looking and firm.  Not ill golden brown.

Take some creamy supreme strawberry frosting, stir in a splash of lemon extract.  smear on the finished cupcakes and sprinkle with yellow sugar sprinkles.  Serve on the table where the summer sausage and cheese cubes are being served and then down some beverage and eat one.

come on 2012.  it's time, right?

obligatory NYE title

well, it's finally happened,  2011 has finally decided to pack it's crap up and get the heck out of town.  I've been after it to leave since May, but it didn't listen.  It stuck around to make life hard to bear for about 6 more months before it finally gave up.  In so many ways, 2011 was like a terrible boyfriend, and I'm not ever going to say I'm glad to see it go.  It was one of those years where I have trouble looking back of the mountainous crappy moments to even see where there were good times.  And there were good times, but I have a slight tendancy to see the scars, instead of the obvious healing.  And as long as I ackowledge that, I'm good.

So, while I thought for a while about my sister's excellent suggestion of how to bid this year goodbye in a manner that would communicate my general displeasure with the happenings that it brought, I decided the best thing to do is just be happy it's finally over and things can only get better from here.  Seriously.

Also, I don't want to slight 2012.  I wouldn't want 2012 to have any reason to be mad at me.  So, I did procure the traditional summer sausage, cheese, crackers and some champange.  And I imagine that I will sit around with my delightful family chowing down and watching movies, though not on netflix, because the xBox is still broken.  I'm going to have to get up out of bed at some point today and rent a redbox movie.

Anyway, I was thinking about champange cupcakes.  I contemplated making them for tonight's hurrah.  But they seem so complicated.  Just getting the cork out of a bottle of champange pretty much takes me a while.  So I think, instead, I'm going to make my absolute favorite flavor combo, a lemon creme cupcake with strawberry icing.

I really enjoy how I like to telescope my culinary ambitions via a post before the photo post.

I'm going to be very clear here, I'm not making anything from scratch.  I'm going to use a box cake and a can of frosting.  However, I don't have lemon cake, so i'm going to doctor a box cake with lemon extract and lemon peel.

And I'd like for the record, to state, that food is only as good as the ingredients you use, and so I try to stick exclusively to Penzeys spices.  In fact, I won't even look at McCormick or any of those others.  I'm completely spoiled.  There is a vast difference in quality, freshness and flavor.  I cannot recommend them enough.

Also, they have spice blends that are fantastic and EXCELLENT recipe helpers.  I used the Sunny Parisian blend and two cups of red wine to make the most delicious chicken the other night.

Anyway, I would shill for them till I was blue in the face, but I really ought to get off my ever-expanding ass to go and bake, so I feel like I sent this crappy year off with a sweet reminder of what it missed out on by treating me so shabbily.

I will tell you this, friends and followers (all 5 of you), 2012 is gong to rock prodigiously


My sister just reminded me that the  recommendation for a New Year's Celebration (highlight with your mouse to read. Not for those easily offended) was more of a joint planning.  As in, she started with one part, I added some grossness to it, and then we both laughed so hard at the idea, we almost drove off the road.

( Write 2011 on a piece of toilet paper.  Use the marked  toilet paper to wipe your hiney , and then flush it down the toilet.)

Homemade Christmas gifts

This year, due to financial strain, all Christmas gifts were made.  I've included a few pictures here to show what I did.

I'm Sorry Dave, I can't do that.

So, today I recieved devestating news.  to prove how melodramatic I can be, I'm going to tell you what happened.  The xBox just went all red ring of death on us.

But, instead of wanting to punch something, or kick puppies, I googled xBox themed red ring of death cake photos..  So I've obviously grown as a person and my Culinary Therapy is working.  That or it's just the red ringed icing on a cake of epic craptasm that is the past 6 months of my life and I'm just too beaten down by the tidal waves of Job-like trials I feel I've faced to get the energy to move too far.

But I don't intend to dwell.  Anyway, check out these iced whoopie pies from Tabbykat Tabasko's flickr stream.



f


So, now, I'm back off to finish my novel.  Which is a constant work in progress, but progressing much faster, and likely to be done quicker now that i have to save up for xBox repairs instead of playing plants vs. zombies for hours on end.

Oh!  I hope you guys are having lovely holidays of whatever you celebrate.  Unless it's that made up holiday.  I don't condone it.

"This Borders on Fabulous."

So, the cupcakes came out.  I baked them for around 25 minutes per batch.  They have a crispy top, like a brownie does.  And a super moist cake.

I couldn't figure out what kind of frosting would properly adorn the cake without overpowering the egg nog flavor.  So, I decided to make an egg nog topping. 

By the way, the recipe is 1 box cake mix and two cups egg nog.  I used Devil's Food.

For the topping, I took a cup of eggnog, a splash of milk, a dollop of whip cream and about a cup of powder sugar.  Enough powder sugar to make a proper frosting would have been far too sweet, as it was, this was still a smidge sweeter than I'd have really liked. 

I put the ingredients into the Magic Bullet and whipped the shit out of them for about 4 minutes.

I ended up with a liquid the consistency of the froth on the top of steamed milk. 

I took a bit of the top off with a grapefruit spoon and I poured the glaze in. 

I served it to the family.

The brother, an egg nog afficianado, said it was "good."  Then he went with "Not Bad."  But too sweet for him.

The sister, a chocolate addict, said it was "okay."

But my mom, who loves desserts, said it "bordered on fabulous" and i had to share the recipe.

And, the greatest compliment of all, my grandmother, who generally sneaks the majority of her food to the cats, ate the entire thing without letting them near it.

So, please enjoy if you'd like.


Cake:
1 Box Devil's Food Cake Mix
2 cups eggnog
Mix, scoop into liners, bake for about 25 minutes. There is minimal rising.


Glaze:
1 cup eggnog
1 cup powder sugar
splash of milk
dollop of whipped cream
Put in high speed blender and blend for about 4 minutes till the consistency of froth on steamed milk.

Put cupcake in a bowl, spoon glaze on top to taste.  Enjoy while cupcake is still mildly warm and glaze is cold.

Egg Nog Cupcakes

After the experience I had with cake mix cookies, I began to wonder what other things can you do with cake mixes?  I googled it.  apparently, you can make cupcakes with a can of soda and a box of cake mix.  No eggs or oil needed.  I began to think about this.  Something in the soda, an acid thing, helps be the binding agent.

So it occured to me, what if I used eggnog?  It has eggs.  And milk.  And stuff you make cakes with?   Thus, In the oven right now, a devil's food eggnog batch of cupcakes.  It might be a disaster, it might be delicious, but considering the vast amount of cake mixes I ended up with (I bought some, then my grandmother thought I'd like some, so there's a good 18 mixes here) it's not going to hurt to try.  Now to come up with a good frosting/glaze...

An attitude of Gratitude.

This week was our "Teacher Appreciation Luncheon" at work.  Twice a year, at Christmas time and the end of the academic year, the administration asks parents to bring in food items for a luncheon in our honor.  So we gather during our lunch hour and we eat food someone else paid for and prepared.