So, here's this woman, calling my alt rock station, where I go to hear that awesome kind of alternative pop music that's the aural equivalent of Hershey's kisses (Delicious with very little substance) to turn it into a whine session about how she's sexually frustrated and needs a red room of pain with nipple clips. This is not the Garbage I turned in to hear.
And that's when my general dislike of the 50 shades books went from generally being annoyed at how pedantic childish writing gets on best seller lists to being generally concerned by my generation. Because, let's face it, my generation has some things to answer for.
Like Twilight. I blame you, people I grew up with. Our refusal to become full-fledged adults has led to a weird prolonged adolescence that leads to women in their thirties choosing Team Edward or Team Jacob. And now it's led to women my age experiencing a sexual awakening over a book that reads like a 16-year-olds porn fantasy fueled fan fiction.
Have I read it? I tried. I read about half. After that, I had to stop before I sprained my eyes from rolling them so much.
Was I offended? Nope. You don't know me well, internet, but I will let you in on this, I am not easily offended by anything of a sexual nature. And, I've read my share of Jackie Collins and, TBQH, Anne Rampling /A.N. Roquelaure (AKA Anne Rice).
But I cannot fully condone adults over the age of 21 reading these books and making them a freaking pop-cultural phenom.
First of all, if I noticed Grammar errors, then let me assure you, the book is horribly edited. If I was annoyed/irritated or bored by the shabbily constructed sentences, they have to be downright horrid. Also, can we please stop just saying girls are smart and well read and actually show a character who is smart, well read, spunky, strong or with a great personality? This girl is another freaking Bella Swan, stumbling through life, unaware of what the world has to offer until a complete jackass starts to date her, tells her how to live, and what to do, and opens her up to the world of S&M and multiple orgasms. Oh, and Ana has to bit her lip in indecision/coyness/anticipation on almost every page. And If I had to read one more interplay where Christian was like "Let me spank/screw/restrain you." and she's all "no! no! please! don't! stop! nono! please don't stop!" I was gonna vomit.
Look, I've seen women portrayed well in erotica, and this ain't it kids.
So here's my point, because I have one...
My generation of Kidults, who cling to some weird bastardization of a Peter Pan complex and continually see themselves as 20 something idiots who need a strong man to tell them how to live their lives makes me sad.
Also, i just found out that this book started out as TWILIGHT FAN FICTION online. And now, my respect for it has tanked even more... (we were already in the Marianas trench in my esteem here, 50 shades of garbage)...
I just wish we would all grow up some. It's a sad, sad, sad world when I feel more adult than my contemporaries, based on the garbage spewing forth in pop culture. And an even sadder world when I feel grammatically superior to published authors.
That is all, people
